Hate

Hate is a very strong word and is a word that is often thrown about when people really don't mean it. You see it all the time in a social media world and or just being around a group of people, people hate all sorts of things.

They hate the lighting, the hate their boss, their co-workers, they hate their drive and the list could go on and on.

Some of these things might be true, people might actually hate the things they say, but often times hate is used when saying dis-like would be much more appropriate. Most people don't truly hate a lot of things, but just dis-like they things they are talking about.

So why is this blog titled hate? Yesterday my wife and I went to have family pictures done as my son recently turned one.

It should have been a joyous occasion, our son just turned one, we survived the first year.  All things that are wonderful, but I was in a foul mood. I snipped at my wife a few times and was just not happy.

I got to thinking and wondering why I was the way I am and the answer was pretty simple.  Hate.

I really hate myself right now, I hate the way I look, I hate the size clothing I'm wearing.  I don't hate my personality or who I am directly, but I hate what I've physically become.

It's sad and very upsetting that I'm where I am physically.

I need to change.

Today will start that change.  I'll start tracking and recording EVERYTHING.  I'm starting a workout program.

I can't let myself fail again, I can't continue to hate myself.  I have to improve, I have to get better.